Our cast of characters ...

When I used to write my game reviews back in the day, I liked to create little nicknames for each player (like Antoine Skywalker and Mark "Philly" Blount) ...

I know, I know, when Chris Berman (associatedcontent.com) does that it's hella lame, but when I do it ... actually, it's still lame, but I'm gonna keep doing it anyway, so there!

RAY ALLEN
Nickname: "Rayden"

I actually used this nickname for Allen back when he was still with Milwaukee, from the powerful God of Thunder (imdb.com) ... And remember, pressing "Down, Back, Forward, C-Up" will cause Allen to summon a miniature version of himself onto the court (youtube).

TONY ALLEN
Nickname: "Allan Tony"

Remember when Ray Allen and Allan Ray (virtusroma.it) were going to be on the same roster, and people thought this was SO hilarious? That got me thinking, what if the Celtics signed a player named "Allan Tony", wouldn't that provide twice the hilarity?

No? Well ... you're right, it wouldn't.

Alternate nickname: "Tony Toni Tone" (en.wikipedia.org)

ESTEBAN BATISTA
Nickname: "The Animal Batista"

We'll see if this young man will play with as much ferocity as his pro wrestling counterpart (wwe.com) ...

GLEN DAVIS
Nickname: "Macrosomia"

Okay, this one might be a stretch ... Wikipedia defines "macrosomia" as "weight [that] is above a defined limit at any gestational age".

In other words, a "big baby" ... get it?

Alternate nickname: "Charles Burns" (amazon.com)

KEVIN GARNETT
Nickname: "Kevvy G"

I'm sure the newest superstar in Boston would like nothing better than to be compared to a 50-something-year-old white guy who plays the kazoo (kennyg.com) ...

EDDIE HOUSE
Nickname: "Hugh Laurie"

Originally, I was going to go with something derivative like "HouseofPain" or whatnot ... and while this isn't much better, I went with the star of the current TV medical drama (fox.com) instead.

DAHNTAY JONES
Nickname: "Dahntay Stop Believing"

Who doesn't love a little Journey (journeymusic.com) mixed in with their NBA basketball?



JACKIE MANUEL
Nickname: "Jackie Chan-uel"

This might actually be my favorite nickname (jackiechan.com) from the current roster ... which is a shame, since Jackie will probably be the likeliest player cut before the end of training camp.

KENDRICK PERKINS
Nickname: "Perk'd Off"

"Perk Up" just didn't seem to be a good fit, so then I thought about how Kendrick always has this angry/irritated look on his face ... yep, he definitely looks "Perk'd Off" to me.

PAUL PIERCE
Nickname: "Da Troof"

Not one of my more creative nicknames ... back when Paul was coming back from that horrific stabbing incident (cnn.com), my nickname for him was "Paul Pierced".

Yeah, not in the best of taste, that one ...

SCOTT POLLARD
Nickname: "Scotty 2 Hotty"

Another wrestling reference (ps2.ign.com)? Man, I better watch it, people might get the wrong idea ...

JAMES POSEY
Nickname: "Parkey Posey"

Again, I'm not sure if an NBA player will like being compared to someone known as the "Queen of the Indies" (time.com) ...

LEON POWE
Nickname: "Powe Powe Power Wheels"

Of course, his last name is pronounced "Poe", so it doesn't really match the old TV jingle (retrojunk.com) ...

GABE PRUITT
Nickname: "Just Pruitt"

I don't think this one needs an explanation (nike.com) ...



RAJON RONDO
Nickname: "I've Got a Rajon Rondo"

Originally, I was going to go with "Rajon Hard-on" (craigslist.org), but that might be working just a smidge too "blue" for some people ...

BRIAN SCALABRINE
Nickname: "Scals of Justice"

What better comparison for Scalabrine than the Scales of Justice (en.wikipedia.org)? After all, they both play basketball like a girl wearing a blindfold ... oh SNAP.

BRANDON WALLACE
Nickname: "Snifter of Brandon"

And now how about we finish off this list with some class (fotosearch.com) ... or alcohol. Either one.



So, that's what I've got ready for the upcoming season ... Any you like? Any you hate? Think you've got some better nicknames? Well then, post some comments and let me hear from you guys!