The Onion comments on the Finals ...

"Probably not a shot-for-shot remake of the classic 1980s Finals" (theonion.com):

BOSTON CELTICS

• The Lakers might have one of the deepest benches in the league, but that's nothing $1.87 million worth of thumbtacks can't take care of
• Take care of the ball, because it can turn on you in an instant
• Just win it in four straight games so we can get this shit over with
• Listen to coach Doc Rivers, then do the opposite
• Buy up every single hotel room in New England, forcing the Lakers to commute from Staten Island
• Kevin Garnett is the best big man on the floor, so the Celtics don't have to worry about game plans or execution or anything like that

LOS ANGELES LAKERS

• Though the Celtics' "Big Three" is certainly daunting, make sure not to ignore their "Little Three," because then they would have six men on the court
• Lamar Odom gotta do his thang
• Must make it clear to Sasa Vujacic that if he doesn't step up, they will send him back to wherever he goddam ned came from
• Just always have the ball
• Phil Jackson must not achieve oneness with the universe now, when his team needs his mortal body on the physical plane
• Attempt to contain Ray Allen by grabbing his arms and making him punch himself in the face while saying "stop fouling yourself"