Marc Spears doesn't read comic books

Whilst browsing the Boston Globe website this morning, my eyes were drawn towards this excerpt from an article penned by one Marc Spears (boston.com):

Garnett said he's looking forward to the added workload next week.

"That's fine. I'm with whatever the program calls for. At this point it's about getting better and getting healthier," he said. "I think Doc is worried about my wind a little bit. I told him I'm like [a] wolverine, I adjust quickly. They're trying to put the reins on me and I want to go, I want to go, I want to go a little bit. They just want to make sure that come playoff time I'm more than solid so everything's a precautionary mechanism."

Obviously, the brackets highlighted above signify Mr. Spears' belief that KG unintentionally left out an important article in that sentence, and was referring to your common everyday furry carnivorous mammal (en.wikipedia.org) ... However, if this were the case, then Kevin's comparison fails to make much sense; I mean, since when have wolverines been known for their "quick adjustments"? I guess they're fast little suckers, but that's not really the same thing.

No, Mister Spears, I would conjecture that Kevin was instead talking about Wolverine (note the capitalization of the w to signify a proper name) and - more specifically - the Marvel hero's mutant healing factor (wikia.com).

I guess we can't really blame Marc for not being a comic-book geek ... Big dude like that was probably a jock in high school, ripping the comix out of little kids' hands before stuffing them into their lockers ;)


EDIT: Hey, you can also find this blog post on CelticsBlog (celticsblog.com)!

The Onion comments on Marbury signing

Stephon Marbury Embroils Celtics' Big 3 In Elaborate Shakespearean Intrigue (theonion.com)

When the Celtics lost Sunday's home game to Detroit 105-95, Marbury, who was scoreless in his 12 minutes of play, could be seen smiling coldly from the bench as Pierce and Allen displayed greatly reduced chemistry, failing to pass the ball to open men or execute picks as effectively as they had in the past.

"I shall of these three fools now make my purse," Marbury was heard to say after the game, although he appeared to be addressing no one and perhaps spoke only to himself. "These stars are of a free and open nature, / And think men honest that but seem to be so, / And will as tenderly be led by the nose / As asses are."

When questioned about the meaning of his aside, Marbury said only, "I am not what I am."

We are the knights who say ... C(eltics)!

Kevin Garnett + Monty Python = COMEDY GOLD

NARRATOR: The time was 711 A.D., the Dark Ages. All across the land, men and women thirsted for the heart, hustle and soul of the game. The likes of which were said to be only found in ... the Holy G. Unfortunately, via sorcery and deceit, its whereabouts had been lost. Nevertheless, hope sprang when a warrior king and his gallant knights sought to unearth its secret location. This is an account of their quest.

["The Enchanter" (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar) and his talking goat appear before our heroes]
KG: What manner of man are you, who can swish a basketball like having a cup of tea?
GOAT: He's ... a legend!
KG: By what name is he known?
GOAT: There are some who call him ... Cap.
KG: Greetings, Cap the Legend.
GOAT: Greetings, King Garnett.
KG: [surprised] (Mother fucker) knows my name!
GOAT: It does! You thirst for the Holy G!
KG: That is our quest. You know much about it, Cap?
GOAT: Quite! He's seen G many times ...
KG: But where do we find this Holy G?
GOAT: Follow the long road to the cave of Holy G, but follow only if ye be well-hydrated, knights of valor, for the entrance of this cave is guarded by Game Seven!
KG: Game Seven?
GOAT: A creature so foul, so cruel, that it will dehydrate your soul! Brave knights, if you doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for defeat awaits you all!

NARRATOR: King Garnett the Glorious, joined by Sir Jeter the Gifted, Sir Jimmie the other Gifted, Sir Bolt the Gutsy, Sir Bolt's pet Ego, Misty and Kerri the Two-headed Three-legged Knight, Alicia the Girl who made horse-trotting noises ... Together, they refueled their thirst for adventure and replenished the dreams of many apprentices throughout the ages. The Quest for G!

[our heroes approach the castle of the Hecklers]

KG: Whoa, whoa! Dismount [everyone pantomimes the motion of dismounting their imaginary horses] ... Hello!
HECKLER 1: Hello?!
KG: We are on the quest for G, we've been galloping many days. May we rehydrate in your castle?
HECKLER 1: No! Have your women do our laundry, you lover of Hofstra!
HECKLER 2: Your father was a polar bear and your mother was a figure skater! You smell of flowers and sheep!
HECKLER 1: Girls do not belong on a man's quest!
HECKLER 2: Get your women to make us some cupcakes and pie!
HECKLER 1: And ... here's ... a ... pony!
[stuffed pony is catapulted towards our heroes, who scatter]
HECKLERS: [laughter]
[Misty and Kerri grab a pair of pumpkins and spike them right into the hecklers' faces]
KG: [petting the pony which is now real] That was genius ...

[our heroes move onto a bridge guarded by the JabbaWockeez]

KG: Whoa, whoa! Dismount! You hinder us in our quest for G!
DEREK JETER: Step aside!
JIMMY JOHNSON: Or we'll be forced to move you!
[JabbaWockeez initiate a dance-off, in which KG and his knights emerge victorious]
ALICIA SACRAMONE: What?
[JabbaWockeez stand aside and let them pass]
KG: Man, we're gifted!

[KG and his knights continue on and eventually board a boat, which soon begins taking on water]

KG: [to Alicia, who is about to throw a barrel of Gatorade overboard to keep the boat from sinking] No!
[Usain Bolt's ego, now ten times its original size, begins jumping up and down and rocking the boat]
KG: Usain! Your ego, it's gotten too big! We gotta throw it overboard, it's gonna sink the G-Boat!
USAIN BOLT: But I need him ...
KG: I'm sorry ...
[as the song "Without You" begins to play in the background, Usain takes off his gold medal and throws it into the ocean]
UB: Fetch!
[Bolt's Ego jumps into the water]
KG: That was gutsy ...

[our heroes finally arive at the Cave of Game Seven, where they see a dog bowl made of stone and hear loud growling noises coming from within the cave]

KG: [whispering as the group hides behind some rocks] Game Seven ...
[a poodle emerges from the cave]
AS: Game Seven's only a poodle? I can get past it ... [starts to advance upon the poodle]
KG: Girl, you crazy!
[Alicia does some gymnastic flips towards the dog, but it starts barking fire at her]
KG: Go get 'er, Jimmy!
[Jimmy tries to use his shield, but is eventually pinned down alongside Alicia against the walls of flame ... so, Derek Jeter begins hitting baseballs towards the poodle to distract it, giving the two a chance to escape and rejoin their comrades]
GOAT: [appearing to the group in a cloud] Follow only if ye be well-hydrated, knights of valor!
KG: [charging] Ahhh, let's finish this!
[the poodle breathes fire, but KG uses his shield to deflect the flame back at it, then grabs the poodle and shoots it like a free throw into the dog bowl, while the disclaimer "The poodle was not injured in the making of this motion picture" flashes across the screen]
KG: [does the "Yes!" fist pump]
[a beam of light hits the dog bowl, as the poodle emerges looking blackened and charred, while the voice of Michael Jordan speaks out as if from the heavens]
MICHAEL JORDAN: Honorable knights, G is not a place. G is inside of all of you.
[everyone drinks Gatorade from their bota bags]
MJ: Glorious ...

Check out this crazy-ass Gatorade ad campaign at the official site (missiong.com), or see some extended scenes via their YouTube channel (youtube.com) ...

Marbury question still up in the air

As you certainly know by now, Stephon has gone on record claiming that he received a verbal commitment from the Celtics that they will sign him once the Knicks buy out his contract, but now the Boston Herald comes out with a report disputing those claims (news.bostonherald.com) ... Wow, you mean Stephon Marbury might actually be making stuff up? Shocking!

There's also this quote from the man himself that I found ... well, "disturbing" is probably the right word to use:

"The question to be asked to the Knicks is: Are they fearful for me playing for another Eastern Conference team? My thing is, they shouldn't be fearful. They're trying to get under the cap for 2010. They shouldn't be worried about me. You had guys saying I was a distraction, I'm a cancer. If I'm all those things, wouldn't you want me to go to another team?"

Seriously, Mister Ainge, does that sound like someone you want to add to the roster?!?

Can you dig it, sucka?

During Thursday's 10-point victory over the Magic (nba.com), I noticed that Orlando big man Dwight Howard kept looking at his right hand after scoring a basket ... At first, I thought Dwight might've jammed a finger or otherwise injured the hand, but apparently that's just part of his normal routine (orlandosentinel.com):

It still has some comedic value, but Howard probably needs a new celebration after making baskets. After tossing in a running hook over an outstretched Kendrick Perkins and Garnett in the first quarter, Howard performed his usual celebration of running down the court and staring confusedly at his hands. For those who don't know what we're talking about, think "Is it the shoes?" with a visual aid. But for a guy promising wonderment while defending his all-star dunk contest title in February, Howard probably is due for a change for his in-game celebration as well.

In other words, Dwight wasn't checking on a potential injury, he was ripping off Booker T (tnawrestling.com) ...

Hey, don't stop there, Dwight; how 'bout breaking out the Spinaroonie (youtube.com) during the Dunk Contest?

ESPN.Com's take on the greatest sports franchise ...

After reading David Fleming's article over at Page 2 yesterday (sports.espn.go.com), my mind immediately jumped to those "Really!?! with Seth and Amy" skits from Weekend Update (snltranscripts.jt.org) ...

Really? You're seriously going to argue that the Pittsburgh Steelers are the greatest franchise in the history of team sports? REALLY? Wow!

Here's the part where he tries to discount the 17-time world champions and their accomplishments throughout the decades:

Are the Steelers the best sports franchise ever?

Purchased by Art Rooney Sr. in 1933, with $2,500 he supposedly won at the track (love that), the Steelers initially struggled for decades. But since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970 (something Art Sr. helped orchestrate), no one's been better. No one. And now, after seven Super Bowls, 30 postseason wins, seven championship games in the past 14 years, 19 Hall of Famers and the dynasty of the 1970s that includes probably the greatest, baddest football team ever assembled ... if you factor in the popularity of the NFL and the quaint but sturdy Midwestern soul of this franchise, it's hard to argue against what the Steelers have built.

Yes, of course, I know the Montreal Canadiens have won 24 Stanley Cups. But if we're talking about the best-run, most successful franchise in our lifetime, the Habs are disqualified for winning only two Cups in the past 30 years. There are the defending NBA champs in Boston, of course, who have collected 17 titles, but they too were largely a non-factor for the past two decades. The Cowboys? America's Team? Please. They haven't won a playoff game in a dozen years.

Anyone else find it odd that Fleming seems to go out of his way to avoid referring to the Celtics by name?

Anyway, it would appear that ESPN's readership is not buying into his argument, as an online poll at the site currently has the Steelers ranked third in a four-team race (sports.espn.go.com) ... For the record, the Celts are in second place, right behind the - ugh - Yankees.You'll notice that all of the New England states know what the correct answer is ;)

EDIT: Total votes have now passed 25,000 (25,327 as of January 26th), and the Celts are - sadly - still a distant second ...

New York Yankees - 47%
Boston Celtics - 26%
Montreal Canadiens - 13%
Pittsburgh Steelers - 14%

Thanks to "Dino Radja Experience" (Dino don't use no articles) for the shout-out!

I'd like to thank the fine folks over at "The Dino Radja Experience" (an hilarious Celtics-centric podcast that you all should check out) for giving my old website a plug on the December 30th edition (newengland.comcastsportsnet.com) of their program ... Of course, I had only gotten around to listening to the show yesterday, which shows just how far behind I've gotten in my listening habits!

Anyway, I had first checked out the show about a month ago and was immediately hooked, so I decided to shoot them off an email with a link to my old Dino Radja fan site (archive.org); I figured only like-minded individuals such as these would truly appreciate it.

Sure enough, hosts Rich Levine and Nick Altschuler gave it a mention (fast-forward to 18:13 for the relevant part), going so far as to declare me "the man" as well as their "biggest fan" ... I don't remember actually making such a claim in my email, but I'll happily take up the mantle ;)